The Illimitable Ocean of Inexplicability

Tag: Life

The Sloven’s Privilege

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Hey, guys, can we talk seriously for a moment? I know usually were joshing together, pulling each others legs and such, but, right now I want to tell you about an experience that may resonate with some of you. Are you ready? Okay, here goes.

I went traveling for no reason.

And that’s not all. No, there’s more I need to tell you. You know how when you go into a hotel room and there are hangers provided in the closet, right? Well, I don’t use them. I know what you’re saying, “So, fucking what, loser, this is lame, get a life”, but just hear me out, please, just a minute or two more. You see, this last time I was driving around the country aimlessly, staying where ever I wanted for however long I chose, I found myself one evening in a quiet hotel room, much like any other, staring at the empty coat hangers in the closet. How much time I spent looking at them I cannot say, but the guilt I felt I can never forget. What, I wondered, gave me the right. Why could I go through life without a care for my personal appearance while others, either because of some neurosis or because of their need to earn money had to be almost constantly pressed and polished? It seemed unfair. Seven hangers available and unwanted while perhaps even next door someone had a coat that could not be hung for the lack of just one. This poor soul would be forced to either hang the garment over a chair or call down to the front desk in the hope that they could send a few extra hangers up. And me? All the while I’d be laid out on the bed, not a care in the world, dressed in nothing but my skivvies drinking a caffeinated beverage, eating chips and watching Animal Planet.

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ədˈmäniSH

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The Introduction

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Have you, while busy with your day to day activities (whatever they may be) felt as if things (that is the kind of feeling one has about their existence) in general could use a little revitalizing? Perhaps you’re in need of, like a well cared for automobile, a thorough ‘detailing’, instead of the drive thru wash of popular culture, and over the counter medicines you immerse yourself in daily to hide from the glaring, burning light of what is and what always shall be long after you are scattered in the wind never to be ever, not ever, again? Ha! Haven’t we all?! Most assuredly, I say, and you, unless a complete imbecile, shall agree with me wholeheartedly and make to shake my hand most vigorously in gratitude for my, once again, setting you straight only to be rebuked with a long explanation about the overall superiority of the fist bump.

 

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The Story

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You had, as had many before you (and many more will at other times), hoped desperately that this (or other things relatively the same leading to comparable results) would have been the end of it only to find (like waking from one fevered night terror into another more terrifying than that) not only had it not ended, but it will, in all likelihood, continue on indefinitely. Yes, I know, I do well know, I tell you nothing that you do not yourself well know already, or had once suspected, though did your best to deny only to find yourself wide eyed and staring at the endlessly twisting shadows surrounding you, mocking you, denying your every attempt at peaceful slumber until, mercifully, did the sun’s first rays of light disperse their dark tentacles from about you only to, in its pitiless way, burn the image of all that lie ahead upon the insides of your eyelids! Ha! That happens to the best of us though, doesn’t it? Sure it does, I say to you, staring intently into your eyes, and then beyond them into the deepest recesses of that thing curled in the darkened corner weeping in despair, that fetid, neglected disturbing mass you, because for various reasons possibly including though not limited to, your upbringing, call your soul!

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Epilogue

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Well, that about does it, don’t you think? No need to beat that anymore as it’s well dead for sure. Not a breath of life left to squeeze from its lungs, I’d say. But, what is to be done? I have no doubt you wonder, and do not in the least hold you in contempt for as it is, as is said, “wholly natural” for one to do just that. Nothing at all wrong with it, not a thing.

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You can do it!

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I’m afraid

many of us must simply struggle to stay afloat

between the shores

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nearly

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All I’m saying is

you are nearly there

not much further

keep paddling

don’t worry about the others

swimming past you

far ahead

many of them

already on the shore

what?

yes, that’s right

those are hot dogs they’re roasting

over a cozy fire

maybe there will be some left

if you ever make it

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poet

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After my last post I have received a large number of comments informing me that “Death is not cool, or funny”

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I know, I know

So, I wanted to let everyone know I’m not some kind of monster who goes around all in black scowling at old ladies and veterans. Why, years back when the wearing skulls on stuff thing really started taking off my Mother gave me some underwear with skulls all over them, and I had to tell her, I told her, “Mother, I cannot wear these underwear that glorify death with a grinning human skull. What if I meet a young lady and get lucky, what would she think, Mother, I ask you, what would she think”? Mother never answered, and has since only ever given me plaid boxer shorts.

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Page 66 of 107

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Page 37 of 107

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Don’t touch that dial! If you know what I mean

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24 hour

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What I mean is:

Don’t go away!

I’ll be right back after a quick trip to 24 Hour Savings. Just got a pick up a few of “the necessities for livin'”.

What?

You’re not familiar with my book

“The Necessities for Livin'”

Well, that’s something you oughta remedy right quick.

Anyway. I got this thing that’s kinda about art, kinda about living in this modern world, and kinda about some other stuff that I’m working on, and that you’ll want to check out. So, keep an eye out for it, alright? Cool.

Your friend,

The President and Founder

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Page 46 of 107

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46

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Alright, Mr. Know it all

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waffle maker

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Tell me this

if there is

a Magic Waffle Maker

then why not

a Magic Waffle

go ahead

explain that

I’m waiting

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poet

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We give thanks to you, 24 Hour Savings, the One who is and who was, because you have taken your great power and have provided us products at low, low prices

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24 hour poem

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