A Tale of Two Posts

by illimitableoceanofinexplicability

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What do you do when you have two posts to share with the world, but have given your word, even sworn a solemn oath, never to ‘publish’ more than one a day? You do as I have done (was there ever any doubt) and combine the posts into one.

What follows is the first of the two posts I present here. However, though it appears here ‘first’ there is no reason that it could not have been ‘second’, or even not appeared at all. That, I hate to be the one to tell you, is just the way it is. Get used to it.

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Varmint Trap, Shmarmint Trap!

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That’s what you’ve said and who can blame you?

Though, early on, before it became “a thing” there were whispers about you “getting a little too big for your britches”, but where are they now those who pointed, and even laughed, at you for your disdain of all things Varmint Trap? Nowhere. Or, at least nowhere that matters.

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That was the first post. Reflecting upon my writing of it I now realize it could have very easily gone on for much longer, “at length” as they say. However, from what I recall I became quite disillusioned, not only with the path I could foresee this particular post taking, but as well with humanity and their purpose thus far in history and whether or not their continued existence in the future was something I should concern myself with.

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2nd Post

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Ordinarily, and you know this if you at all know me, I would never not only not expose you to such as this, but not even think to consider for a moment mentioning it to myself when, as at times I have been known to do, I allow for memories of the past to flood forward and submerge this modern moment.(And all our yesterdays have lighted fools)

You know?

Some of you do. Those of you that were there. As for the rest? Well, you can go on imagining it’s different. Why not? I knew some then who did, and though they were grating and most definitely came to no good end, as I had foretold, I encourage you to act on your convictions.

With you well warned we move ahead to the second of the two.

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This Shit’s Gay

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I hope you didn’t say that when you saw another one of my posts come across your feed.

I mean, who doesn’t know better (even when frustrated by that from which there seems to be no relief) than to say something so, I think they used to call it, “uncouth”. It would ‘trouble my worried mind’¹ if someone was to even look sideways at me, even if after catching themselves saying it they went to the necessary lengths required to properly apply a lash to themselves or gladly, nay, excitedly don an extremely uncomfortable hair shirt during a particularly long hot afternoon, if even for a brief moment they had uttered the words, “This shit’s gay”.

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As you may have at some point noticed the trajectory of this second, and thankfully, to be honest, last post in this tale of two posts quickly went not only off track, but careening recklessly onto a crowded sidewalk upon which were strolling only the most innocent of those among us. It’s not my doing though. It is fate for sure. The will of some THING beyond our imaginations, but who nevertheless enjoys the same demented fantasies we regularly indulge ourselves in.

And so, there you have it. The two posts as one. Tried before you can say, but claim not that it has been done better. For, if you do, I will, upon my word, have little recourse but to announce my offense and in anger lash out with punishment against you of my leaving this blasted space never again to be occupied.

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