Someone should really eat those bananas

by illimitableoceanofinexplicability

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That is almost exactly what I thought to myself when noticing the bananas you see here

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Okay, what I exactly thought was, “Someone better eat these God damn bananas before they fucking rot”, but though I use profanity liberally within my own home I see no purpose in exposing others, who would never in a million years be invited into my home, to my obscene language. However, as I also pride myself on being honest, I felt it necessary to inform you of my true reaction to seeing these three quickly decaying bananas in order that you may more truly experience my emotional state at the time. For if I let you continue on under the illusion that I reacted in a calm and reasonable manner to the spoiling of this fruit my actions which followed would not make sense.

You see, most mornings I find myself so absolutely overwhelmed by the chores I must accomplish before setting upon my day of intensive contemplation that I have no time for monitoring the household fruit’s status in regards to freshness. This morning though, for whatever reason, and it could be almost any, but this is neither the time or place to theorize upon it, the sight of these three bananas soon to be rotten nearly cause me to have a stroke. Thankfully, instead of becoming debilitated, and possibly suffering death I was subject to what is commonly referred to as a ‘conniption fit’. Some of you, probably those who inhabit the southeastern section of the United States, may be wondering, quietly to yourselves, if what I had was truly a ‘conniption fit’ and not another fit commonly mistaken for it known as the ‘hissy fit’. This, I can assure you, is not a mistake I would ever make knowing as I do that what separates the two is the overt physical gestures that accompany a conniption type fit which, believe me, I experienced after seeing those three bananas.

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