From L. Ron Hubbard’s Office
“Never regret yesterday. Life is in you today and you make your tomorrow”
– L. Ron Hubbard
Well, I hope you guys aren’t all like “This dude’s a religious nut”, because I’m not, not really. I like to think of myself more as a ‘seeker’. Not a ‘Hunter-Seeker’, obviously, as I am not a “tiny floating tadpole-like machine” used by assassins and powered by a Holtzman Field Generator. Which, while a terribly efficient device for the purposes of killing, can be easily destroyed as was memorably proven on the great desert planet, Arrakis, when Paul Atreides (also called ‘Muad’Dib’) smashed and submerged in water one that had been sent to murder him. No, it would be a little more difficult to smash and submerge me. Take my word for it, I know, my brother used to try it in our back yard swimming pool every summer. But, be it by the will of the man upstairs or by some chance of a million years of evolution I emerged from that pool the man before you today, the man you’re allowed to call, The President and Founder.
Yes, The President and Founder of The Institute for the Study of Slightly Varying Circumstances dedicated to exploring the mysterious WHO, WHAT, WHEN, WHY and WHERE of it all. Even going so far, at great personal peril to himself, as to spend some time in the office of L. Ron Hubbard you see above. The office, I admit, isn’t really HIS office it’s simply an office kept in HIS memory that anyone can find when visiting a traditional Church of Scientology dedicated to HIS true writings and ideals.
However, I don’t suggest you try this. The reason being that I have watched most of you for some time, and though it seems harsh of me to say, you couldn’t handle it. I’m sorry, but I can see you now walking into a Church of Scientology (dedicated to HIS ideals and writings) thinking you’re all bad ass like me and the next thing you know you’re on the e-meter confessing your deepest darkest secrets to some nut job who will excuse himself for a moment in order to get on the phone to Scientology HQ so as to inform them that a new personal toe nail cutter for John Travolta has been found. So, please, leave this kind of shit to me.
The President and Founder