The Illimitable Ocean of Inexplicability

Month: November, 2014

THE THANKSGIVING HOLIDAY IS TOMORROW

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There’s nothing more I can say to you about this holiday of yours, nothing you want to hear anyway. Go be with your friends and family or whatever it is you do (on this holiday that the huffington post calls “a fairly recent fiction“), go ahead, have a ball, really, go on, I’ll be okay, don’t worry about me, I don’t like Turkey that much anyway, and besides, I’ve got things to do, I’ve always got things to do.

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Need I remind you of the sacrifices made?

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Oh, and by the way

Your debt will be held over you

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flyer

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A preponderance of spectral evidence

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“If there were no best among all possible worlds, God would not have created one.”

– Gottfried Wilhelm von Leibniz

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.More than one could, if in possession of the stick needed, be able to shake it at. But who, even amongst you, would, no doubt, do such a thing without second thought knowing, as one might instinctively, the difference that for decades has been denied, but now, like gas in need of release from the digestive track, forces its way from out of the mouths of every man, woman and child whether they wish it to be or not, and whether they make an uncomfortable attempt to hold it in, or even if they run from the crowd in a desperate attempt to release in secret this over abundance of evidence based on dreams and visions that can no longer be suppressed.

So be it; truly

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Broader challenges

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I’m facing broader challenges this morning, believe you me, than reminding people (such as yourself) about the one day a year set aside for being thankful. It’s not ‘on me’ if you want to squander this opportunity, but don’t come crying ‘to me’ on Friday moaning like a little baby, “I missed my chance”, because there won’t be anything I can do about it. I don’t own or have access to a time machine, and anyway, if I did, well, if I did do you really think the wisest use of it would be to go zipping back to Thanksgiving day at around noon so you could be sure and make it to your friends and/or loved ones in time to gluttonously stuff your face with turkey and all the trimmings? No, the answer is no. Come on, did you really not know that?

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PilgrimsThe Natives and Pilgrims faced broader challenges

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Have you taken your part in the outcry?

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JACK HORRORCHILD HAS GONE MISSING!

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And, as a result there has been

a groundswell

I believe it could even be argued to have

captured the public’s imagination

There’s absolutely no doubt

everyone want’s Jack back

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Including, but not limited to

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old fogies

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those who dress casualy

BRINGHIMT

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people who enjoy hot drinks

BRINGMUG

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babies

Baby-OnesieJACK

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and, of course,

film stars

goneJACK

.Will Jack Horrorchild ever return?

There’s no telling

 

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It’s coming!

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Pilgrims

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Thanksgiving is America’s deadliest holiday with an average of 576 deaths per year since 1982

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“Something has to be done” (Let me help)

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If you’re like me and enjoy leaving comments on a wide variety of news stories, but have been disappointed with the number of ‘likes’ or ‘thumbs up’ you receive for the incisive, and often witty commentary you provide then you’ll want to pay close attention to this.

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For weeks I struggled, spending sometimes up to 8 hours a day reading articles and commenting on them all the while receiving very few ‘likes’ and almost no replies. Then, in a fit of desperation, infuriated over some injustice I was reading about that I now can no longer exactly remember, and ready to just give it all up, I violently pecked out

“SOMETHING HAS TO BE DONE!”

and, to my surprise, almost immediately my inbox fill up with more ‘likes’ than I had seen in weeks. I was flabbergasted, but, due to my very well educated and skeptical mind I put this result off to being simply a fluke. But, then, believing experimentation would, if conducted in a scientific manner, prove once and for all whether the veritable cascade of ‘likes’ I received was perhaps due only to some unknown circumstances, or whether these few words, in all manner of situations, could bring upon its user more ‘likes’ than they’d have ever dare dream they’d receive.

Well, I can tell you, after many sleepless nights, and arduous days of typing “Something has to be done!” over and over again until my fingers were blistered and bleeding, it works, it really works, like gangbusters, that’s right, you read that right, LIKE GANGBUSTERS.

So, that’s it. There’s no longer any excuse for a low ‘thumbs up’ count, no reason for embarrassment when asked by a potential intimate partner about the amount of ‘likes’ you regularly receive, no, no, no, those days are over, my friends, those days are long over.

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Let me just clear some things up here

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Hey, guys. I’m glad I caught you before you headed out to spend a wonderful day with friends and family. I just wanted to say that the last post I made wasn’t really directed at you any more than when, let’s say, Oprah is giving advice, over the television or inside her magazine, is actually giving that advice directly to you. Do you know what I mean? Oprah and I are just putting it out there. Trying to help whoever we can. If what we offer is of use to you, if it makes your life, or the life of others on this big blue marble better,then we’ve been successful. No other compensation, for me anyway, I’m not so sure about Oprah, is necessary, I just love helping, that’s all.

Oh, and yeah

I’ll be out drawing pictures of The Floating Head for the rest of the day, so, have a good night, get some rest, and I’ll see you tomorrow.

your pal,

The President and Founder

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Is this news to you?

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It isn’t to me. But, then again, I think I’m better than everyone else. Smarter, more caring, just generally more aware, acutely aware actually, of everything and everyone, kind of like Connor MacLeod was supposed to be at the end of the film ‘Highlander’ before they made all those crap ass sequels and ruined it all forever.

Excuse me?

What’s that?

You’re not seriously disputing my claim of superiority are you?

I’ll tell you what. Here’s a test.

If you can look at the picture below, and know immediately what’s wrong in it then I will at least consider the idea that you may not be a complete, as my tormenters on the playground of yesterday (mistakenly) called me, “waste of space”.

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Do you see it?

No?

Well, why don’t you look again.

I’ll give you a clue this time

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dumbass

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Yeah, a freakin’ banana peel laid out on the sidewalk just waiting for someone to slip on it. Jesus, if you can’t spot such an obvious danger to the public’s health and safety then, well, then I don’t know what. We’re doomed, we’re all fucking doomed!

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A Picture of a Rainbow

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This is a picture of a rainbow which is, if you don’t know, (according to Wikipedia, The Free Encyclopedia!) ” an optical and meteorological phenomenon that is caused by both reflection and refraction of light in water droplets resulting in a spectrum of light appearing in the sky.” That’s it. That is all it is, and all this is is a picture of a rainbow. You got it?

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