I could have very easily forgotten the whole thing

by illimitableoceanofinexplicability

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Not that you need the reminder. Most, if not all, of you who’ve been here with me through good times and bad would not be surprised if I forgot the whole thing. I mean, how many times have you made some bonehead move, and had me go on and on about it like it’s the end of the world only to have me show up the next day, or even hours later, acting like it never happened? Too many times to count. Right? So, why is this different? Why, try as I might, have I been unable to just blow this off like it’s “no biggie”. Why? Do you even know? Are you even capable of knowing, I wonder. I really do.

You see, for any of you who’ve been living on another freaking planet, I have made a habit of making a public apology every Saturday. Now, I admit, and, I’m sure you’ll agree,  a good deal of the time an apology from me is not at all necessary. In fact, probably like more than 79% of the time someone else should be apologizing to me, but they don’t, and, because of their refusal to fess up to what they have done wrong I have no choice, due to things being the way we all know they are (whether we like it or not(this isn’t a perfect world)), but to stand before everyone and take what is the medicine that someone else, someone who genuinely is in need of it, should be taking. Is this dangerous? To take a medicine prescribed to someone else? Hell, yes it is. Super dangerous, but it has to be done, and if I don’t do it, if I don’t take what is meant to be a cure, but what when taken by someone it is not meant for can lead to serious injury, or even death, then who, on God’s green earth, is going to do it, you? Ha. Don’t make me laugh. I mean it, I’m in no mood for laughing.

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At this point in the composition of today’s post it was necessary that I take a break for the purpose of feeding the horses. For those of you (probably most, if not all) unfamiliar with the care and keeping of horses, or of any large animal for that matter (due to your, like the majority of persons in the western world, living in a large metropolitan area where life on a ranch or farm is as foreign to you as walking on the moon) I will provide here a brief glimpse into my routine.

The horses, 5 in all, that is, in no particular order, Sterling, Hoodoo, Omar, Skeeter, and Felix all are in expectation of their breakfast when the sun is coming up, which, at this time of year, is just before 7 am. So, regardless of the weather, or if maybe I had “one too many” (because of the incredible isolation of rural life) the night before I must get myself out to the barn and, as it is said, throw some hay. This really isn’t the best part, though the horses do enjoy eating. No, the best part for the horses is when, though I am not professionally trained, I sing to them. And, not only that, no, not only do I sing to them, but as well I choose one of the horses at random to sing to. For example, this morning, without a thought I began singing to Hoodoo. You see, how it usually goes is a song within which I can insert the horses name just comes to me. This morning the first song to come to me was the 1980 hit from Tom Petty and The Heartbreakers, ‘Even the Losers’, which I changed to, ‘Even the Hoodoo’.

Even the Hoodoo gets lucky sometimes

even the Hoodoo keep a little bit of pride

gets lucky sometimes

This went on for more than enough time until, quite unexpectedly, the Tom Petty classic transformed into the Little River Band’s immortal hit, ‘Lonesome Loser’ which was easily adapted to my cause,

Have you heard about the lonesome Hoodoo

Beaten by the queen of hearts every time

Have you heard about the lonesome Hoodoo

He’s a Hoodoo, but he still keeps on tryin’

.Well, anyway, like I said you won’t be seeing me on American Idol™ anytime in the near future, but that’s a look into life in rural America for all you city slickers out there in your concrete jungles, now, back to what I was going on about before.

Hey! Pssst! Hey, you, yeah you. If you don’t know the songs I mention above I suggest you familiarize yourself with them by clicking

Here

and

Here

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Okay, where was I? Oh, that’s right, I was explaining stuff to you. Spelling it out as plainly as I can. Walking you through it nice and slow. Holding your god damn hand the whole way. Don’t trip, look out, you don’t want to get a boo boo. Maybe it wasn’t that bad, I don’t know, it seems like forever ago to me, so for you it’s probably like it might not have ever happened. You’re just all like “What”?”Huh”? “Who am I”?, and I’m all like hitting the wall in anger because although I know you did the crime the D.A. is telling me there’s not enough evidence to convict you, and my captain is telling me to “Cool down” followed by, “We gotta cut him loose, you know that”.

So there I am, my tie askew and my coat just thrown across my cluttered desk, and my secret bottle of booze I keep in the bottom drawer completely empty. Fucked. That’s what it’s called. Sorry if a little profanity alarms you, but that’s the only way to sum up the situation. Fucked. Sorry.

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Saturday Apology

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A few of you may be wondering “Hey, wasn’t there some sort of contest”? to which, if you were to even dare ask me, I would reply, pointing at you angrily the way Harrison Ford does in a good deal of his movies, “I don’t have time for your nonsense”!

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