The Illimitable Ocean of Inexplicability

Month: November, 2014

It Was You

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No, I did not ‘forget’ to apologize yesterday for something I did wrong during the previous week. I, in fact, had done nothing wrong, and therefore had nothing to apologize for. But, instead of making mention of my blamelessness I decided to see if you’d do the right thing and remind me that an apology was expected. You did not. An apology for your forgetfulness is expected within the next 24 hours.

Thank you

The President and Founder

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Saturday Apology

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In the produce section

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MILK

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“I sometimes say ‘meelk'”

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milk

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This above all

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“He knoweth not when to quit”

from: The Tragedy of Horrorchild, Poetizer of The Institute

by The President and Founder

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large log

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It’s a rather large log
A rather large log
A rather large log I see
Quite a rather large log
It’s a rather large log
A rather large log indeed

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poet

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Current Norms

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Yes, yes, I’m back, haven’t really been gone, just avoiding you. Don’t have time right now for hand shaking or how you been hand slapping, or whatever the hell it is you’re up to this week. Just read my Poetization™ here provided for your benefit.

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visitor

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Because of

‘the way things are nowadays’

I must describe

those to be met with

‘withering B.B. gun fire’

as

‘uninvited’

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BBGUN

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poet

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There can be no misunderstanding

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And, do you know why? Why it is that I will avoid misinterpreting, misconstruing, misreading, misapprehending, misconceiving, getting the wrong idea, or receiving a false impression? I’ll tell you why. It is because, though they are laid out for anyone with eyes to see, I have sworn a solemn oath to never ever again attempt the interpretation of the relationships between fallen apples for the purpose of divining certain truths no matter what. Sorry, not going to do it, end of conversation.

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Who can say what truths are spelled out here?

Like I said already, not me, sorry, forget about it, I’m done with that.

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saw snake on grass trail by pond

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The President and Founder’s Thanksgiving Epistle to (the) Infinitely Remote

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1-handwriting-quill-pen-granger

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Do you ever receive comments? Of course you do, these days, who doesn’t? They are a dime a dozen, mostly, though every now and again you find a comment waiting in moderation that, while not renewing your hope for humanity or anything, does provide you an opportunity, along with answering any questions the commenter may have had, to go on, and on, for as long as you’d care to, about all kinds of other things, such as, for example: whatever crosses your mind. This is exactly what I have attempted to achieve with my reply to infinitelyremote who did, most generously, leave a comment (included below) on a post of mine titled ‘Hey, everybody, it’s what we used to call in my day “A blast from the past” which means something from a long time ago that you may have given no thought to recently! Anyway, here’s a replica of the Political Art I was talking about in my last post!’ .

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infinitelyremote’s comment

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Maybe I should not have clicked “Like” on this one… might put me on some sort of list… That is the problem of reading a blog from back to front; your previous post may have given explicit instructions to NOT like the next post and here I am “liking” Reagan as the antichrist due to the “number of his name.”
It’s not like I can now “Un-Like” this post; besides, would “pure evil” have ever said “A hippie is someone who looks like Tarzan, walks like Jane and smells like Cheetah.” – I think not… (but hey, I could be wrong… I’m reading a blog from back to front… what do I know?)

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The President and Founder’s reply

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“Certain Forces”. That’s what I call those groups or individuals who put people on lists. I’ve had my fair share of dealings with them in the past, and probably will again in the future. To tell you the truth, I have found, time after time, that the most effective way of dealing with “Certain Forces” is to say “It’s all just a big misunderstanding” over and over again. It’s like an incantation. It breaks them, breaks them so completely that they immediately strike your name from not only their list, but from any and all lists either being kept at that time, kept in the past, and even those to be kept in the future. Yes, in the future, they make it so your name will never ever appear on any list for the rest of eternity. I don’t know how they do it, but they do, believe me, I’ve seen their work first hand remember? They are  not called ‘Certain Forces’ for nothing, for gods sake take my advice just this one time, and repeat after me “It’s all just a big misunderstanding”.

I was going to let your mention of former President Reagan’s comment on hippies pass unremarked upon, but, feeling I owed it to everyone to set the record straight about various rumors that have been going around about me, I have no choice but to address it. You see, years ago in a public speaking class I made a presentation titled “Reagan: Is he still sexy at seventy?” which in itself was enough to raise the hackles of the other young people in the room, but then, when I went on to show definitively that he was, without a doubt, still sexy at seventy they were ready to tear me to pieces. Luckily, the laws being what they were at the time I came to no physical harm, but did find myself publically humiliated and ostracized so thoroughly that had I had access to firearms there, well, let’s just say, there would have been trouble. So, sad and alone, without any recourse to revenge, I began writing to various publications, both local and national, hoping to convince them of the sexiness of President Reagan. None of them ever responded, but, through the grapevine I heard People Magazine was going to start naming the sexiest man alive in an upcoming issue which did, for a short time, cause me to have some hope for the public recognition of what I knew already to be true.. Unfortunately, on February 4th 1985, People Magazine made the horrible mistake of proclaiming the first ‘Sexiest Man Alive’ to be Mel Gibson instead of the then President which to this day I have been unable to forgive them for, and as well, was so angered by at the time of its occurrence that I started a grass roots movement to boycott the magazine which, for reasons I won’t go into, failed miserably.

That said, I do want it to be known that neither then was I, nor now am I in any way what can be considered a fan of President Ronald Wilson Reagan. However, his comment on hippies that you mention, I must admit, I was not in the past, and am not now in complete disagreement with. For, you see, when Reagan was in office, although I studied his sexiness it was merely an academic exercise, I like many of my fellow young people detested him as a matter of course. Yet, at the same time, perhaps due to societal forces that did hold sway over some young people at the time, such as ‘punk rock music’, and/or, the normal desire of all youngsters to rebel against all that came before them, I, on countless occasions, was known to say “Fucking hippies”, as well as “Dirty hippies” under a variety of circumstances and with little to no provocation. Eventually my dislike, maybe even my hatred, of “stinking hippies” (another one I used frequently) became so intense that when driving around town mindlessly for hours with my friends I would, when spotting a hippy on the street, yell loudly “60’s reject” followed by whooping or raucous laughter. It wasn’t right, I guess, but I don’t feel bad about it, they were fucking hippies after all.

Well, thanks for the comment. It has allowed me to go into a lot of things that have been left too long unsaid, clear the air as it were. I was so afraid of losing followers, and reliving those dark days when people hated me merely for pointing out that a President of the United States could be sexy that I kept it all bottled up inside. No more though, no more, this is me, this is just how I am. I do hope you can deal with it, I hope everyone can deal with it, but, if not, well, then it’s your loss, you fucking dirty stinking hippies.

-The President and Founder

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I have received eight ‘likes’ for my post before last

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WITCH I am well aware of those who move through a thousand web sites like cackling witches upon flying brooms dropping ‘likes’ down on the unsuspecting

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If you’d rather not bother reading all this the main point is illustrated above

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To some of you eight ‘likes’ probably seems like nothing, and in a strictly numerical accounting you would be right. However, if you were to take the time, and I would suggest you do, though I would not be at all surprise if you didn’t, to check out who the people are who have ‘liked’ my post I am certain that, if you could, for a moment, put aside your preconceived notions, your strict adherence to ideology, and remove from your eyes the comforting imaginary world you use to block out the truth, then you would see that while there may not be hundreds of the unremarkable celebrating my posts, those few who do ‘like’ them, constantly, and with a fervor unmatched anywhere across this vast internet community, are most definitely the cream of the crop.

But, don’t get me wrong. I am well aware of those who move through a thousand web sites like cackling witches upon flying brooms dropping ‘likes’ down on the unsuspecting until, in many cases, they enter a barely consciousness dream state in which they actually believe that these, what I sometimes call, ‘Liking Mad Monsters’, are at all interested in their posts. Over and over again, this plays out every day, and at night while you’re fast asleep your head filled with dreams of blogging glory that these, as I already described them, ‘Liking Mad Monsters’ place purposely in your mind the devastating ‘Like Bombs’ causing incalculable psychic damage, but to what end, to what outcome could they be so evilly striving toward can only ever be guessed at by the most fiendish creatures imagined by utterly grotesque demons in the bowels of a dungeon whose foul use forever haunts the dreams of seers and prophets.

It’s true.

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This was before you knew him: An open letter to whom it may concern

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“Jack Horrorchild? He’s an aspiring poet”

– The President and Founder

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Editor’s note: What follows definitely qualifies as ‘kind of long’, and, though not listed in any of the major periodicals that track this all too common phenomena, it is considered by some to have ‘little or no discernible purpose’.
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THOUGHTEl rey ha muerto, ¡viva el rey!

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Jack Horrorchild? He’s an aspiring poet

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That was my reply when I was asked, years ago, if I knew anything about Jack Horrorchild. Back then most would have answered with a, “Who?” or an, “Excuse me?”, but not me, no, I had long been making the rounds through some of the lesser known blogs situated in the far flung reaches of the internet where up and comers were honing their craft to a razors edge in almost complete obscurity. At that time if you dared venture onto any of these sites there was no end to the treasures to be found, and unlike on most of these new blogs there was no just leaving a comment only to have it buried under a hundred other comments, and if responded to at all only given a barely polite, “thanks, man”, or some other non-committal bullshit reply. No, if you commented, those bastards were all over you like white on rice. Oh, man, Horrorchild could be the worst. You’d just leave some innocuous comment like “Nice verbiage, brother” and that motherfucker would take it as an opportunity to type out a god damn novel. And, on top of that, it would be one of those novels that you have to sometimes turn sideways, or upside down to read, or that has a couple alternate endings, or a bunch of blank pages at the end with instructions telling you to write your own ending. It was fucking maddening. I guess you could have just let it be, and not replied back, but, hell, you kind of felt sorry for the guy, and so you responded with a, “no problem” and then, without fail, the whole damn thing started all over again spinning like an out of control carousel in the middle of an old folks home.

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Spinning like an out of control carousel in the middle of an old folks home

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That is to say, Horrorchild would, yet again, leave one of those long rambling up and down dizzying nobody wants to even hear it won’t he ever shut up replies he has since been identified as an inveterate perpetrator of, but back then not enough people were even aware of him, let alone wanting to take the time to properly vilify him for it. Yeah, there were a few of those uptight people fond of using fascist looking symbols for their supposedly ‘helping the world’ ideology who burn on the inside with such ferocity that if they ever actually got any power you and a million others who make the mistake of refusing to bend to their will would find yourselves up against the wall or standing over a hastily dug trench before you knew what happened. But, that is, as Jack Horrorchild himself often said, “just the way some people are”.

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Just the way some people are

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They want to rule you, the people I mentioned, they really do. I am not joking. Jack, though, he doesn’t have any interest in ruling you or in making sure you do the right thing, or his thing, or even if you do anything at all. I don’t know why this is. You’d have to ask him, I’m not particularly interested. I can tell you this, he wouldn’t mind it at all, time permitting, because Jack is acutely aware of the time constraints we’re all under in this hectic 21st century world, if you found just a moment to read over one of his offerings. Consider it carefully. Maybe read it a couple times. Ponder it. Wonder at the magic, or commiserate with him about the unfairness of it all. Whatever the words he graciously offers as a gift to you, embrace them, get to know them intimately, speak them to others, let them light the way.

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– The President and Founder

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