I’m a Poet by occupation, and a Dishwasher by inclination

by illimitableoceanofinexplicability

.“His dish washing skills are unsurpassed”

-Jack Horrorchild



This powerful volume


The President and Founder’s poems

will be available sooner than originally imagined

though not in all areas


by the way

it should be known

this volume of poems isn’t intended for everyone

by which is meant

we would rather it not by read by just anyone

and by ‘we’

I mean ‘me’

The President and Founder


as you might have guessed

if you’d been paying any attention whatsoever

(and I do hope you have)

I make all the decisions around here




that’s not all

let me also just say that

whether or not you are one of those

who shouldn’t be allowed to read

this powerful volume of poems

is not something

I really care to comment on



Let’s have a peek!

From the Introduction


In the Valley of the Headless Men


Some time ago, when many of you now living were still alive, I was working as a Combat Dishwasher in the Land of the Unfriendly. Many of you, those I mentioned earlier, and others as well, probably are not familiar with the occupation classified as ‘Combat Dishwasher’. That’s because there aren’t a lot of us Combat Dishwashers around, and those there are don’t go around bragging about it, we keep to ourselves mostly, you may not even notice us except when we’re helping an old lady with her groceries or a young child retrieve a downed kite from a tree. No, there aren’t bullets flying, or other pieces of hot metal tearing through flesh in order to resolve differences while a Combat Dishwasher plies his trade, though, like one of those Navy Seals, the Combat Dishwasher comes when called, when no one else will, 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, 365 days a year, and he gets the job done every time.

You see, if you’ve been in the restaurant biz you know that out of all the employees the dishwasher is the flakiest, usually a teenager stoned out of his gourd or emotionally disturbed in some way, and always sure to leave you in the lurch if there’s a rock and roll concert to attend or a drug party where there may be young ladies present. When this happens most owners panic, sometimes attempting to fill in themselves with predictably disastrous results, but the smart ones, the smart ones coolly dial the number of a local Combat Dishwasher (usually living in a cabin in the woods, or over the garage of a former classmate who feels sorry for him, and sometimes, in extreme cases, in a van down by the river), and then they breathe a long sigh of relief knowing everything is going to be alright.

Sure, bringing in a Combat Dishwasher is going to cost a restaurant owner anywhere from three to four times the pay their perpetually stoned dishwasher gets, and, as it’s also customary for all the beer a Combat Dishwasher can drink be provided gratis it’s a proposition any business man or woman might think twice about, but in the end it is worth every penny, and every drop of beer. After all, the mastery with which a Combat Dishwasher handles a Hobart is legendary. It doesn’t matter the model, it could be top of the line with SMARTRONIC single button display, specially formulated INTENSIVE hygiene tablets, and an EASY-LIFT hood design, or be the same old rust bucket that’s been in use since the kids were protesting Vietnam, the true Combat Dishwasher will make the machine his his own turning out sparkling dishes every time.

So, whether you’re out on the town with your honey, or at a high powered lunch with colleagues take a minute to notice the gleam of your fork, the crystal clearness of your wine glass, and appreciate the fact that your plate is clean enough to eat off of, it may just be that way thanks to a Combat Dishwasher.