I have made a request that this alter you for the better

by illimitableoceanofinexplicability

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The Book everyone should read
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There are more than a few people,most likely the majority (though an exact count is impossible due to the persecution that has sent many into hiding), that, with unbending faith, believe The President and Founder is a God, a modern day Dionysus, a Jesus 2.0, the first and last letters of the Ionic alphabet. The stories, told on the playgrounds of middle schools and in break rooms of big box stores, of his amazing powers and special abilities, that he alone does possess, frighten them (the sandwich eaters) so that their feeble minds can do nothing but hope for a chance to bask in the splendor that is The President and Founder and his Institute.

The President and Founder understands the necessity of such notions, being that most if not all are true. The President and Founder also listens to his sandwich eaters, and, in response to their cries for a more clear comprehension of the unessential accompaniments©, has written a book that will have a powerful effect upon everyone from the frighteningly filthy homeless man to the horrifyingly well pressed congregant. Each tale told about The President and Founder comes from the perspective of The President and Founder, or, when she is available, from the Institute sanctioned perspective of the incomparable spokes mistress for The Institute, Ms. Svetlana Trumm, who has achieved her special status after many dedicated hours spent upon the sacred purple couch.

You, the most cherished reader, are not left to simply imagine the grandeur of  The Institute and the glory of its President and Founder, but instead you are lead by the hand (or nose when needed) from one exciting event to another. You will marvel at the ‘Origin of The Institute’, feel as if you are in the Nearby Orchard at ‘The Skirmish Between the Forces of Good and Evil’, be horrified by tales of what is beyond ‘The Dark Wood’, and find comfort in the ‘Certain Truths’ The President and Founder generously shares with you (if you are interested) under the twisted branches of that famous ancient apple tree.

” Not everyone is ready for this, but I often have thought to myself, I have thought, “People should have access to my message for just a small fee”, and so, being me, I have given it more than a little consideration, but then, as will happen, I have become distracted with some other ‘thing’, and forgotten all about it. Unfortunately, you, my favorites, are the ones to suffer, but do not fear, you will one day have the special opportunity to give unto me your money.”

– The President and Founder

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.Be prepared!

The Book could come at any time! But of that day and hour knoweth no man, no, not the angels of heaven, but The President and Founder only.

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