The Illimitable Ocean of Inexplicability

Month: December, 2012

Joy to the world

Certain truths revealed  If you are interested



The greeting that may be deemed materialistic, consumerist, atheistic, indifferentist, agnostic, politically correct and/or anti-Christian, but is not.

A familiar Christmas scene

How many times have you been witness to the scene depicted above? Countless? Too many?  It is possible, though I would guess highly unlikely, that you are unfamiliar with this scene. Perhaps you recognize it as a cozy yuletide interior complete with a fire, a dog, and stockings hung in the hopes of having them filled by Old St. Nick, but have never experienced the scene in person, instead only hearing of it second hand from the wealthy children who would ride their seemingly always brand new bicycles past your house every Saturday only for the purpose of seeing your father giving you a haircut in the front yard; laughing and pointing as they flew by and taunting you with their visions of sugar plum fairies that you would never see. Or, in this age, perhaps you (as a young impressionable, even innocent, child) only experienced the scene through the medium of television, that enemy invited into every home, no less cruel than the wealthy children, which without mercy exposed you daily to that which will always be just out of reach, but which you, though you know better, became obsessed with until later, after meeting people from differing backgrounds, at the local community college, you formed new and better ideas that while providing comfort could never completely obliterate this original model upon which other similar things are patterned for reasons you dare not imagine. This,I fear, can only be determined by you, who, though well intentioned, may not posses the ability to understand all of the various factors involved and therefore reach an erroneous conclusion that when shared in social situations will go either unrecognized as such, or not be commented upon by those who are listening due to their fear of provoking you into explaining your ideas further.**

* Though some would dive head first into the rushing stream of consciousness, I, testing the waters with my big toe, determined them to be too frigid and instead passed over upon a bridge which just so happened to be home to a troll, and as will happen, so does the following:
You are on your way to visit your Grandma, who lives at the end of the valley. It’s her birthday, and you want to give her the cakes you’ve made.
Between your house and her house, you have to cross 7 bridges, and as it goes in the land of make believe‡, there is a troll under every bridge! Each troll, quite rightly, insists that you pay a troll toll. Before you can cross their bridge, you have to give them half of the cakes you are carrying, but as they are kind trolls, they each give you back a single cake.
How many cakes do you have to leave home with to make sure that you arrive at Grandma’s with exactly 2 cakes?
‡The suggestion that events such as these only happen “in the land of make believe” is a perfect example of the inability to understand all the factors involved, and because of this the author of the above riddle shall remain nameless except for within the composition book listing the names of undesirables which will be opened at some time in the future, but of that day and hour knoweth no man, no, not the angels of heaven, nor the varmints in the graveyard, but only the President and Founder.
** If you, like me, were a Master of The Contemplative Process® the listeners fear would be quite apparent but would not deter you from explaining your thoughts at length. To learn more about The Contemplative Process™ see ‘The Occurrence of Circumstance within The Posthumous Papers of the Pickwick Club’ © 2012 The Institute for the Study of Slightly Varying Circumstances.
As I am sure you are aware yuletide is the period extending from Dec. 24 to Jan. 6. But, do you know all the words that rhyme with yuletide? I didn’t think so.
Words that rhyme with yuletide
abide, allied, applied, aside, astride, backside, backslide, bankside, beachside, bedside, beside, bestride, betide, blear-eyed, blindside, blow-dried, blue-eyed, broadside, bromide, bug-eyed, Burnside, clear-eyed, cockeyed, cold-eyed, collide, confide, courtside, cowhide, cross-eyed, curbside, dayside, decide, deride, divide, dockside, doe-eyed, downside, downslide, dry-eyed, ebb tide, elide, field guide, fireside, flip side, flood tide, fluoride, foreside, four-eyed, free ride, freeze-dried, Girl Guide, glass-eyed, graveside, green-eyed, hagride, hang glide, hard-eyed, hawkeyed, hayride, high tide, hillside, horsehide, inside, in stride, ironside, joyride, kingside, lakeside, landslide, low tide, lynx-eyed, misguide, moon-eyed, neap tide, nearside, nightside, noontide, offside, onside, outride, outside, pie-eyed, poolside, pop-eyed, preside, prompt side, provide, quayside, queenside, rawhide, red tide, reside, ringside, riptide, roadside, seaside, self-pride, sharp-eyed, shipside, shoreside, Shrovetide, sloe-eyed, snowslide, springtide, squint-eyed, stateside, statewide, storewide, Strathclyde, streamside, strong side, subside, tailslide, tongue-tied, topside, trackside, trailside, untried, upside, vat-dyed, walleyed, war bride, waveguide, wayside, wide-eyed, wild-eyed, worldwide
Pie-eyed! That’s a good one, maybe my favorite, at least in the top ten anyway. What’s your favorite? Why not choose a few and write a poem.

Orbis Terrarum

What the deuce is it to me? You say that we go around the sun. If we went
around the moon it would not make a pennyworth of difference to me or my work.

– Sherlock Holmes

To utter in prophecy

‘Singular circumstance that,’ said Mr. Pickwick. ‘Will you allow me to make a note of it?’

The Posthumous Papers of the Pickwick Club

by Charles Dickens